Haha I can never get a pic with her not smug face. xoxoxxxxxxx This year has been one of the hardest of my life. Trying to get pregnant was a trial in itself, then having a baby with PKU and terrible colic/acid reflux and never sleeping almost threw me over the edge. Being sick every month and then getting a nasty case of mono when I literally got sick once every five years before having a baby just about put me over but when my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer it all came tumbling down. Before I knew it I was being treated for mild post-Partum depression and major anxiety as well as mono of course. I had a nervous breakdown, I suddenly went from barely surviving to not being able to function. It lasted a whole two weeks. Once I recovered from my sickness and got my anxiety taken care of, my whole world opened up. I realized that I just needed some help and although I HATE asking for it, I did it anyway and it saved me.
Since then the depression has completely gone but the anxiety is something I think I will have to deal with for a very long time. I am naturally an organized, motivated person and have always been able to handle everything that has come my way up until recently when the trials came pouring down and drowned me in their massive waves. With my 31st birthday coming up next week, I have realized that life is hard for everyone, we each are given a different battle to fight, it’s definitely not how I wanted my life to be but it is what I am to endure and hopefully with a little more grace than I have been lately:/.
Since I have been feeling so much better these last few months, and more like myself, I have been trying to do fun family activities, make memories together and things that we can keep in our hearts. Scarlett has been the cause of much heartache and stress and also the most joy of my life. I look at her tiny hands covered in dimples and her toothless grin and can’t help but wish she would never grow up. I love her endlessly and deeply and no matter the sacrifice it has all been worth it.
I have learned once again that God loves me and cares, he wants me to become my best self through refinement and patience. He tolerates my complaining and forgives my pride and it is all I could ever ask for.
This berry picking day wasn’t anything spectacular but it was a memory with my silly, sweet baby and my tired but dedicated husband, thank goodness for them.