Well Tyler and I needed a little vaca, so in celebration of our one year anniversary, we went to a cabin in Sundance for the weekend. It was honestly everything I needed. We really didn’t do anything which is why there aren’t many pics but I had the time of my life watching movies and playing scrabble while eating delicious pineapple.

Sometimes life gets so crazy you don’t even realize it and then you have a breakdown. It happens to me every couple of months because I can’t say “No”. Trying to balance my life is probably the hardest thing for me lately but I am really trying. Since my last post on what I have learned in our first year of marriage, I have been doing lots better and my sleep deprivation is slowly disappearing. Life is good and so is the SUMMER!!!! I am going to enjoy these last few months of summer and chill….the best I can.

MUSIC INSPIRATION: Ed Sheeran ~ I See Fire

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Well most of you don’t know this about me and I have been really private about it because its a sensitive subject for me to talk about. But first the good news, I”M PREGNANT!!!!! It really is a miracle we got pregnant with our first time doing IUI (artificial insemination). In fact we had to cancel the process toward the end because things had gone wrong so we definitely weren’t expecting to get pregnant from it.

So here is the story, since I was young I have known that I have problems in the woman department, I have never been regular (which I had always loved) never had PMS, never had cramps and only actually had my period about 4 times a year. Since I was 16 I had been checked regularly and all the doctors said I looked good up there so I thought I was just enjoying the good life. Once I got married and we started trying to get pregnant, I realized there was more to the story than I had been told. After about 8 months of not getting pregnant, I started doing tests with the OBGYN. Things like my thyroid and a bunch of other things. It came to their attention that I may have a condition called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) basically it means you have tons of cysts hanging out in your ovaries and uterus. They put me on clomid (a pill that enduces ovulation) and sent me on my way. Well the problem with that was, everytime I took a ovulation test (and I tried 3 different kinds) it would come out positive. I thought I was always ovulating which made it even more frustrating that I wasn’t getting pregnant. Little did I know, one of the symptoms of PCOS is that your test always come out positive, therefore you have no idea when or if you are actually ovulating (don’t know why they never mentioned that). I can’t even tell you the tears I wept over this stuff, I knew in my heart it was going to be hard but I didn’t know how hopeless and ashamed I felt. I knew it was not my fault but it didn’t make me feel any less guilty inside about being the reason we couldn’t have kids. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want pity and I knew none of my close friends or family could relate to the situation so I just didn’t talk about it.

Finally I talked to my friend Jenica Parcell from A Slice of Style blog who had been going through the infertility journey for years (she is prego with twins now!) and she set me up with Dr. Faulk at Utah Fertility Clinic. After a month and a half I got in to see him. He immediately did a bunch more test and saw that I had over 40 cysts in my ovaries. He finally explained it in a way I could understand and gave me hope. Cysts are basically eggs that don’t get fertilized. Which basically meant I hadn’t ovulated for at least 40 months, which makes it impossible to get pregnant, so after we found that out, we began the IUI process. After a dye test we realized my right ovary was closed (more bad news) therefore cutting my chances in half. Through the process the only egg ready for fertilization was in my right ovary so we canceled the remainder of the procedure and just waited to start it all over. More tears and lots of money.

If you are trying to get pregnant you know how depressing it is to take a pregnancy test and it come out negative. I would cry every time and it would kind of ruin my day so my husband was hesitant when I told him I felt like I needed to take a test before we started again. He gave me all the reasons I shouldn’t, of course expecting it to be negative, after all there was no way we could get pregnant with an egg in a closed tube. But my mothers intuition told me to do it anyway and I did. I saw the plus sign and bawled my eyes out. I took another to be sure, and then I called the doctor for a blood test to be sure sure. It was positive! I really was pregnant! The nurse told me I had a 2% chance of getting pregnant from that and I was having a miracle baby. I am still nervous everyday that something will go wrong because some things don’t work out perfectly for everyone, and maybe thats what pregnant moms do best, but I am so overwhelmed and blessed by this special miracle God has given our family. Finally after a year and a half we have a little baby coming to us.

I know that many couples have it much much worse than us and my heart breaks for them but throughout this process I have seen myself become strong and patient to the ways of the Lord. I have been through many trials in my 29 years and I really was hoping I would be done (ya right) but I understand that life doesn’t work that way and some things are worth fighting for.

I will be updating the blog with deets on my pregnancy and of course how I am decorating the babies room once I figure out if its a boy or girl. I seriously can’t contain myself, I am sooo happy!

MUSIC INSPIRATION: Flume ~ Alice Kristiansen

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I thought I would blog about something a little different from my usual. I think it is nice to talk about the subjects people always wonder when they skim through your stuff. I know when I find someone new to follow, I want to know all about them as a person, who they are, what they like, why they do what they do. Here is a little bit about me.

I grew up loving to paint, write stories and sing. My plan for life was to either be a singer or an artist. As I got to high school I realized becoming an artist was not a very logical career path. I went to college studying science to prepare to be a dental hygienist while taking drawing classes on the side. I secretly knew it was my passion, I loved where it took my mind and how amazing I felt when I created something beautiful.

Finally after what seemed like another life, I realized that I needed to do what made me happy. If art was it, then I was doing it. My mom told me to consider this thing called “graphic design”, art on the computer. I was terrrrrrible at the computer and had never even turned on a Mac before. Nevertheless I did it. At first I hated it, I was so far behind and I couldn’t figure out how to put my ideas into design. I knew I needed a game changer in order to make it work. From Gods grace, I received an internship in NYC at an amazing studio (link in bio). I went literally knowing nothing, and after five months I returned ahead of my class. Suddenly my teaches used my designs as good examples instead of bad. I gained the confidence I needed to become good at what I do.

I graduated in 2012 with my BFA of Graphic Design and this year in March, I went off on my own( one of the scariest things I have ever done). It has now been seven months and business is growing (thank goooodness). What I have learned throughout this process is:

1. Believe in Yourself: Trust me if you truly have the desire to do something, there will be a way. It’s easy to have self-doubt and fear what people may think, or how much money you might not make. I still don’t know what I am doing but I know I can figure it out.
2. Work Hard: It’s definitely not a piece of cake going out on your own and figuring out how to pay your taxes and write things off and of course find clients. You need to put in the time with your portfolio and social media so your image looks appealing to potential followers and clients.
3. Collaborate: Reach out to people who are in your area or have similar interests and work together. This by far has made the biggest difference for me. It really is all about who you know. If there are networking parties, make sure you go and be open to meet new people. You could end up meeting your next big client.
4. Give stuff away: Everyone loves free stuff. It’s important to give freebies on your blog like printables or giveaways through social media. This will not only show how cool you are but it will also attract followers and help spread the word of your business.
5. It takes time: It really does. Don’t expect your business to blow up in three months, it happens but it is very rare. This was a fallacy I believed in until it didn’t happen (haha). I thought, if my posts are good I will have tons of followers but it is hard to spread the word. Be consistent in your posts and make sure to Pin all of your content so you get as much exposure as possible. I get about 50% of my clients from Pinterest. Don’t forget to just be patient.

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Well I think its about time for me to put up my new years resolutions. This has been a bit harder this year because I felt like I put WAY too much pressure on myself last year and therefore ended up feeling overwhelmed and a bit like a failure. That is definitely not my intentions this year. I want to keep it simple and not get bogged down by being an overachiever and changing the world. Although that is my goal in the long run, one year is quite a short amount of time to do everything on my bucket list. This year I have set a few fun and emotionally beneficial goals for myself.

1. To be satisfied. This last year I developed the syndrome of nothing ever being perfect enough. This caused many headaches and even more tears of disappointment. I learned that maybe some people are perfect but I am not one of them and therefore I need to live like a normal person.

2. Be open to new people and experiences. This goal is to help improve my opportunities for things I love to do. I want to build strong relationships with creative people who see the way I do as well as collaborate and make pretty things of course. And thats it! Life is good and I move into my new house next week so I couldn’t be any happier than I am now!

Au Revoir

 MUSIC INSPIRATION: Love me like you do ~ Ellie Goulding

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MUSIC INSPIRATION: Break my Stride ~ Amy Rose

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Now for the goods. I wanted to share a little humor to help make life less heavy by making fun of myself and telling you the story behind the pictures I post on instagram. Here she goes…

dasherie lettering:
well it was the first time I have tried lettering and naturally I loved it so I took one pic and posted it. Instantly regretting it because I forgot to do the “i” and I cringe every time I look at it. The worst part is, a real calligrapher  Annie Mertlich liked it. I’m sure it was a pity like which makes it worse. Oh well, only room for improvement eh.

laughing with my hat on:
“Hey Nikki, make me laugh, I want one of those pics where I am pretending to laugh.” I said to my little sister as we pretended I was a fashion blogger for a day. I think I felt more awkward than anything with all of the grocery store people staring at me as I sat in garbage by a dumpster but the pic looks like I was actually laughing so it was all worth it.

The mouse trap pic:
Well it is my favourite food truck so I needed to show the world how much I loved it by taking a selfie with my husband and the logo in the background. After about 8 pictures my husband said he was done but I had just begun. My hair looked whack, then my head was bigger than his, wow I’m pale in that one, oh wait I forgot the truck is supposed to be in this pic. By then my husband had walked off and I was left searching for the right picture to post…20 minutes later.

That’s it for today!

MUSIC INSPIRATION: Tough Love ~ Jessie Ware

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What I have learned in my first year of marriage… well quite a lot actually. I was thinking how fast it went by and how much of a good thing that was to feel that way. In every marriage there will always be ups and downs and the things I have learned are what have helped me turn every down into an up.

1. Let it go. In the case of Frozen and the way too often quoted movie, the main lyrics “let it go” stand true. Letting the little things go like leaving doors and drawers open, and poking at food with his hands are such small things, just let it go. There are way more important things to nag your spouse about so let the little things go.

2. Have fun. Tyler and I work way too much and it really wares on our relationship as far as patience and quality time. We have learned that giving up some work time helps us enjoy each other and our life together. We went out and bought bikes so we would make time to have fun and ride around town. Not only has it helped us have happy time together, we have been able to get to know the neighbors and be more social in our community.

3. Balance. Along with the working too much, we have realized that our physical health as far as sleeping, eating and working out is hard to do. Making that a priority helps with our patience and attraction to each other as well as feeling good about ourselves. When I am happy he is happy. wink.

4. Give in a little. When it comes to style, we are usually on the same page but sometime we are polar opposites. At first I had a huge problem with this and our first fight was over home decor haha (which was so stupid). As I realized none of these things really mattered because we didn’t have a house that we were building nor did we have the money to build Versailles (which is what I wanted), I just agreed to disagree. No need to fight over the future when it hasn’t happened yet. Being willing to give in no matter who is right, will help your marriage be more open. Over the last year our style has almost perfectly aligned and I am more open to his suggestions. whew.

5. Be aware. I am oblivious, utterly oblivious to some things. Tyler is very sensitive to other peoples needs and sometimes when he needs me most I am living in Candy Land (if you know what I mean). He is always the first to notice if someone needs help or if I am down or upset. I am learning that the more I focus on his feelings the happier I am. The more I understand him and the better wife I feel like I am.

6. Be Clean. The biggest thing that can affect our day is if the house is clean. If I come home from a hard day of work and see crap everywhere, I am instantly impatient with whatever is going on. We have tried our best to stay clean so we can cook dinner and enjoy the rest of our night together.

7. Have faith. It will all work out in the end. It really will, no matter what the circumstance is with your marriage or your trial, it will always work out for the best in the end. Have faith in the future and in each other and their potential. Know that they can do it and be supportive of success.

8. It’s both of our responsibility. Yes gender roles are still in play in 2014 but for the most part things are very equal and that means we both cook dinner, do laundry and go grocery shopping. Since we both work full-time we share the home responsibilities. I am so grateful this has never been an issue because Tyler’s parents taught him well! I didn’t expect it and boy am I grateful he just does it.

9. Let them make the decision. Letting my husband make the decision whether it is big or small is a great thing in our marriage. Sometimes we tend to try and control our spouses decisions and sometimes we don’t even notice it. Although they ask your opinion, it is important that they know the final decision is theirs.

10. Say “I love you”. There was a time in my life where I never said those words to anyone, not even my family. Once I realized that any day could be the last, I wanted people to know how much I love them. I now say it a lot but never too much of course, wink. Saying “I love you” to your spouse is special and lets them know that no matter what, you are with them till the end. I love my husband so much and I am eternally grateful for him and the marriage he has given us. I hope this helps a little. Good luck newlyweds!

photography by Alixann Loosle

MUSIC INSPIRATION: Fairytale ~ Milky Chance

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How to…Change the World. To learn a little something about me, you should know that I am EXTREMELY ambitious and very competitive. I would be categorized as a “type A” personality and with that has come a ton of challenges. I am never satisfied. When I was 19 I wrote a list of 100 things to do before I died. I have accomplished many of them but looking back I see some of them and I wonder if they are really possible. One check box was to make a million dollars by age 24. At the time the real estate market was amazing and I was inline to get my realtor license, then the market crashed and well that one hasn’t happened, not even close. The biggest thing on the list was to change the world. As I think about being 27 years old and looking at my life, I wonder what that even means. I want to do it, I just don’t know how. Changing the world with what, design, motherhood, my talents, becoming an awesome blogger, doing world changing service…the list could go on and on. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be the world changing designer, but being average is so dissatisfying. So I guess my teaching you “how to” is more like asking “how to”. I am at a weird point in my life and I refuse to live another 8 years and feel the same way. I need good advice and a little direction. In order to lift my spirits and of course never give up, I have decided to start reading more inspiring and creative books that build me up and cause me to think. Thankfully through the support and equal ambition of my husband maybe we can some day Change the World in a way that is satisfying to us. Below is a short list of what is going on in my life.

READING: The Giver by Lois Lowry. This is such a great, easy read. It’s short and really makes you reflect on your life and the great blessings you have been given. The movie is also coming out soon and I am hoping it’s as inspiring as the 1993 classic.

EATING: A ton of pineapple and tropical fruit. It has a ton of sugar but it’s so sweet and is helping me kick my intense candy habit.

DESIGNING: Well I am really feeling black and white with pops of pink. Like any shade of pink, its all lovely.

WATCHING: Shark Tank! Holla, yes I loooove business and I love entrepreneur anything. Creative people are in every industry and I am always amazed at the ideas people come up with.

WEARING: Well I am trying to wear summer clothes but its still too cold here so my best options are some high waisted skinny jeans and little ankle boots with any leather jacket I can find.

LISTENING TO: A whole load of this guy Asgeir. My favorite song is Higher but I love King and Cross and In the Silence.

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